by Editor Despird Zhang
Published the 20st  of November 2020

(note: a selection of closed-eye, faceless or back-view photos)

by Hari Sulistiawan 

Once upon a time I was born with a birth name, having a mother who squatted and sang the lullabies while I was laying down under the eaves, having a father leading the way and keeping me away from the danger of going astray. I become strong then weak because they are far away. To keep me safe I developed an unspeakable signature which could possibly devour my accessibility to healthy friendships. I wished a genuine and flawless enigma of melancholy to be falling upon me. 

Once upon a time, I was born to be known, for reasons or non-reasons, or in-between, to the world. From then on, I related more to myself and refused to be living with more certainty. I have never been so destined to be filling the vacancy of the world with another being of nothingness, from one kind to another. I am not inferior in any era, but I am filled with fear. I am wandering in this what might seem to me a suspicious crowd and try to make less suspicious of myself.

I have slept but never got used to dreaming.
I have read but would prefer for listening.
I have travelled but I settled for a staying.

For those who care about me, thanks for appreciating my presence and forgiving my absence. Thanks for holding my hands and keeping them warm. I expect no more.

For those who do not know me, please do not ask my name, or ponder how I am feeling. Let me be a qualified stranger, among others.

I close my eyes and I do not see you. But nothing matters, I am here after all,
aren’t I?

Through granite it breaketh
A tree to the ray:
As a dreamer forsaketh
The grief of the day,

My soul in its fever
Escapes unto thee:
O dream to the griever!
O light to the tree!

A twofold existence
I am where thou art:
Hark, hear in the distance
The beat of my heart!

"Absent Yet Present" by Edward Bulwer-Lytton

CHAPTER  I - I don’t’ see you, but you already know me

'Closed' by Mariëtte Aernoudts

'Close to myself (II)' by Ingo Dumreicher

'fragile' by Stefan Beutler

'Close to the edge I am bound...' by Charlaine Gerber

'Close your eyes' by Sandra Sowinska

'Let them be little …' by Yvette Depaepe

Untitled by Mehdi Mokhtari

'Wiped and Clear' by Sebastian Kisworo 

'Inception' by Despird Zhang

 
微熱 by takaaki ishikura

'remembrance' by mukti echwantono

Untitled by simona forte

'Sava' by Sebastian Kisworo

'Dont be sad' by Sebastian Kisworo

CHAPTER  II - I hide from you, but you still remember me

'...And you'll find loss and you'll fear what you found...' by Charlaine Gerber

'Closed' by Mike Darzi

 
'closed' by rasa razaniene

'Godfather' by Saman_photoart

'Fly up like a bird..' by Refat

'Quarantined' by fadhel muhamad fajeri

'friends' by franco maffei

'An Artist's Portrait' by Olga Mest

'Don't take me pictures!!' by Radiga

'Between shadow and light' by alexandra fira

'Enjoy the Silence' by Maria Kaimaki

'A girl dreams at home alone at night' by Davizosco

'drawing my shadow' by Hari Sulistiawan

'hide my head I want to drown my so' by Vladimir Konkin